if only i could text you this smell
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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