his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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