Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if i can run in heels then i can drive
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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