i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
