I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
