so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
