i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
