i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
try to milk me bitch
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