My sheets look like a crime scene.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My penis needs a shock collar
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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