sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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