tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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