Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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