I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize