she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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