It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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