On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
