singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
