I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
