You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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