why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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