I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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