so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
