Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
