our cab driver is having phone sex.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
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Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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