i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
