she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
