singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
