well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
