Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
