just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
