Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
