Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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