not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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