Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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