I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
