sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
