yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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