Porn is love you can see.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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