You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
