she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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