I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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