So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
