I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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