And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
