I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
