I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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