meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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