It's like God shit irony all over that family
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ladies don't puke and tell
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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