I puked a lego.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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