I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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