It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
