So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
