I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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