Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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