some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
