i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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