Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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