DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
