pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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