You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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