i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize