If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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