Your mouth is God's brothel.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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