It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
