Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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