There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
