Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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