If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
